You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
