There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
