Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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