i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
