please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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