i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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