false alarm. still invincible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
