I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
