You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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