apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
