he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
