Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
