I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
