If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
