Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
