We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
