masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
