Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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