her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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