mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My vagina is very pro this idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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