thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who died my cat blue again?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
