How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
