Don't EVER smell your tampon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
