i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
