How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
