This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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