How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize