Well apparently he's into motor boating.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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