sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
