Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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