ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
