Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
