so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
