You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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