I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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