Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're too hungover to prance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
