There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
