Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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