I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
