I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
