He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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