Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
