i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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