Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
