Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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