Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
