He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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