Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
