last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
