"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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