I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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