I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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