I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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