Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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