Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
