So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
