weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
