Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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