let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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