ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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