I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
