You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
