He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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