Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
