from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
