My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
