quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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