yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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