JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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