Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
