so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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